Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
