Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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