Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize