I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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