wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
