I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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