kristin has been a bad kristin
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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