Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
