I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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