just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How does it feel to date your dad?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
