she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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