I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
