I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
