i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
