So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
