He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
