Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Welp...herpes.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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