Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Rumble strips road head = magical
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
