margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
