I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
