look no pants
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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