my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize