somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
