Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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