I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
