um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
