I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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