This is not my ceiling
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize