Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
