The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
