I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize