I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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