I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
