Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
