it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
