using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
