I love black thongs
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize