well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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