We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
