weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
