I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
