You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize