Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
