I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize