can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
