my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
