I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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