Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
