No stitches, just platelets and will power
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
