you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
