when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
