I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
