I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
