That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
