i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
