i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
