Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We got so high we made milksteak
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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