Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
