Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
