my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize