you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize