How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
