So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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