But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
