I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
