i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize