oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize