Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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