i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
