How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
