I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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