And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Randomize
