my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
