things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
where are my eyebrows?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
