forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I could fuck to npr.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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