I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
