when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize