I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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