literally had 100 drinks last night.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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