he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Randomize
