we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
