my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
