hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
