I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
