God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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