It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
