i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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