The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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