she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
