No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize