party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
