SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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