So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
