Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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