Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
