Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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