WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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