I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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