Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
