The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize