Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
